i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
