if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
