I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
