we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
