woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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