I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
