porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
