I hate all girls vehemently.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
