Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
