My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
