my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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