I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize