when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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