apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
NoShamevember. You game?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
