I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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