Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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