Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
