I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize