The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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