he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
