first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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