Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
