His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Someone came in the potted fern
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
