Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
