yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
