Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
