Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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