Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
