ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
