yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
