The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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