so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
