So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
