I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is it because I queefed?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
