even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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