I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
