I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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