Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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