i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
