Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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