Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
