A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
vagina is talking i cant
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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