Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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