8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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