I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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