just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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