You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
