I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
