girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize