And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
