I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize