It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
