we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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