I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
