well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
