This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
