I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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