Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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