Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
