I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so that wasnt chicken after all
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
