Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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