Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
