we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
