Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
