is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Damn victory sex feels great
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
