Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
