break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
