thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
