this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
