im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
