Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
