I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
