I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
