I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
