So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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