She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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