Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
