I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
