Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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