I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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