That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
