Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
