bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
