well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
