Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
