Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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