I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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