Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
