he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize