Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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