why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
