I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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